The Simplest Way to Impress Parents

At the end of every school day, I tell myself one thing: smile.

No matter what has just happened. No matter how the day has gone. No matter if I want to scream, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!” I tell myself to smile. A smile is the simplest way to impress parents.

I wish I could claim credit for this, but I stole it from another teacher. When my daughter was in first grade there were a few occasions when I was able to pick her up from school. The parents of the children who didn’t ride the bus all stood around awkwardly at the front of the building waiting for their precious ones to emerge.

The teachers walked the classes out, one after another, kind of like “The Locomotion,” but without the annoying song.  I looked forward to seeing my daughter, but I also looked forward to seeing Mrs. Herrera. Mrs. Herrera taught one of the other first grade classes, and every day when she stepped from the shadow of the school and into the daylight she had a bright smile on her face. She engaged happily with her students and smiled as she handed them over to their parents.

I probably picked my daughter up twenty times over the three years she attended that school. Mrs. Herrera smiled like that every single time.

I’ve never taught first grade, but I imagine it’s like teaching third grade, only with more exhaustion. I am sure there were many days when Mrs. Herrera did not feel like smiling. But smile she did.

What Parents Will Think

As a parent, I was impressed that after whatever she went through during the course of the day, she chose to end it positively. Her smile sent a number of messages:

  • I like my job.
  • I like kids.
  • I can handle whatever you throw at me.
  • I’m relaxed.
  • I don’t easily blow my top.
  • You can trust me to be patient and kind with your child.

It turns out there is science to back up my positive thoughts. First, smiling makes us feel better. Research has shown that you can boost your mood by smiling, even if you don’t feel happy at all. Second, smiling is contagious. Participants in one Swedish study were shown pictures of several emotions. When the picture of someone smiling was presented, researchers told the participants to frown. Instead, most of them imitated the smiles they saw on the pictures. It took conscious effort to not smile. So when Mrs. Herrera smiled, most parents couldn’t help but smile back. All this smiling helps forge connections between people, even if they’ve never spoken. We like people who make us feel better, and smiling makes us feel better.

Seeing Mrs. Herrera’s smile made me like her more.

There are at least 50 parents on the blacktop at the end of my school day. I want every one of them to see me smile. I want them to wonder how I can go though an entire day of doing a job a number of them have told me they wouldn’t have the patience for and still end it in a good mood. I want them to think the same positive things I thought when I saw Mrs. Herrera. I want them to smile back. I want them to be impressed.

All it takes is a second to remind myself to do a very simple thing. But like many simple things, it can make a big difference.





How to Handle Your Celebrity Status

I went to Walmart the other day to pick up some adult beverages and help destroy local businesses. As I quickly weaved around an Easter display, I heard:

“Mr. Murphy!”

It was a student from my school. Not one of my students. I didn’t even know his name. But he quite obviously knew mine. He wanted his mom to know it was me.

“Mom! Mom! That’s Mr. Murphy! He’s a teacher at my school!” the boy shouted, just in case someone in the store didn’t know I was there.

Like it or not, we teachers are celebrities. Not huge ones. Not even on the level of a local weatherman. But celebrities nonetheless. Sure, my most rabid fans might be nine-year old kids, but so were Justin Bieber’s, Aaron Carter’s, and Miley Cyrus’s (and look how well they turned out).

If a student sees me anywhere outside of school, it is, for some odd reason, a cause to get very excited. It is as though they can’t wrap their heads around the fact that I have a life apart from work. I don’t really get it, but I bet real celebrities don’t quite understand people’s overreactions to them, either. I’m sure Katie Holmes has no idea why people want to take pictures of her walking out of a store holding a shoe bag.

I admit that, like many Hollywood stars, I do not always relish my celebrity. Sometimes, I just want to buy my six-pack and get out of there. But I try to remember that to some kids, I’m kind of a big deal. And I shouldn’t act like Al Kaline.

Think of it this way: If you ran into one of your favorite actors or athletes at the supermarket, how would you hope they would respond to your enthusiastic approach?

You wouldn’t want them to blow you off, act annoyed, be rude or short with you, act as though you were an imposition, or try to get rid of you as quickly as possible.

You’d want them to smile, say hi, sign an autograph, take a picture, and act as though they genuinely appreciated your adoration. You’d want them to be open, gregarious, even giving. You’d want to be able to tell your friends what a great person your favorite celebrity is. Mostly, you’d want them to understand and appreciate the rare position they find themselves in.

There aren’t many people in the world who have fans of any age. Most of the people in that Walmart will never get the kind of reaction I got from that kid from anyone, including their own spouses and children. We’re members of a lucky few.  We should try to be grateful for it.

So the next time some kid excitedly shouts your name across a Walmart and runs up to you, tugging his indifferent and somewhat baffled mother along, stop what you’re doing. Turn to him and smile. Ask him how he’s doing. Tell him it’s good to see him.

Then go home, drink the beverages, and bask in the glory of your fame.





6 Ways to Spread Happiness in the Classroom

It’s an exciting day here at Teacher Habits Headquarters! We have our first guest post! Paul Ellsworth (aka Profe Pablo) is a high school Spanish Teacher and a writer. He loves trying “out of the box” classroom management techniques to create a fun and productive classroom. He writes about his classroom at There you can download his Top 25 Teaching Tricks or even tune into his podcast Schooled Radio. Today, he writes about spreading happiness in the classroom, a subject near and dear to my heart, and, not-so-coincidentally, the subject of my next book, Happy Teacher, available on Amazon by the end of the month.

6 Ways to Spread Happiness in the Classroom

When analyzing the classroom often we look at test scores or students’ grades. Grades are important, but what if grades were not a true indicator of success?

Instead of looking at the grades first, what if I asked you about your students’ happiness?

You would think I was crazy.

However, in his book The Happiness Advantage, positive psychology expert Shawn Achor proves that success doesn’t lead to happiness, but happiness leads to success. Instead of looking at results and asking our students to simply try harder, maybe we should prime them for success through happiness.

To have a successful classroom, the question then becomes, “How happy are your students in the classroom?” and equally important, “How happy are you in the classroom?”

Here are 6 ways that you can spread happiness in the classroom.

#1 Smile more.

Just by smiling at the students, you are showing them that you are happy to be with them. You are also tapping into students’ mirror neurons. These neurons tell the brain to copy what you see. Furthermore, your body language and your mood are so intricately connected, that if you smile (even if you are not happy), your brain begins to release dopamine, endorphins and serotonin, which are the “happy” neurotransmitters of the brain (Psychology Today) .

#2 Give control to the students.

When students feel in control, they feel safer and happier. My favorite examples come out of a program about classroom discipline called Love and Logic. Love and Logic tells parents and teachers to share control with the students by offering small choices that you feel comfortable with. Here’s an example: “Would you guys like to take the quiz right now or at the end of class?” By doing this you’re letting the students know that they have a voice in the classroom and some control over their environment.

#3 Pump up the jams.

I cry at the end of the movie Rudy every single time. As moving as the story is, I don’t think I would react that way every time if it weren’t for the music. Music directs human emotions. Can you imagine your favorite scene of a movie without the background music? You can use music to move your students to happiness. Do you have an extra Bluetooth speaker lying around? If not, it will be worth the $20 investment. Play energetic music as the kids enter the classroom or play calm music to help them de-stress.

#4 Change your greetings.

Another way that you can spread happiness is by changing how you greet your students. Usually we say something like “What’s up?” or “How’s it going?” Instead of doing this you can tweak your question to lead the students to think positively about their day. I learned this from the book Broadcasting Happiness by Michelle Gielan. For example, I could change my greeting from “How’s it going?” to “What’s the best thing that happened to you today?” The answer requires the students to think of something positive.

#5 Offer anticipation.  

In a study done with 44 doctors, those primed with candy diagnosed twice as fast as those not primed with candy. Do you know what’s crazier? They weren’t even allowed to eat it until afterwards!  I tried the same thing in one of my Spanish classes. I handed out Jolly Ranchers which sat on the edge of the students’ desks until the end of class. By doing this I’m giving the students something to look forward to. You won’t believe how many students beg me to go ahead and pass out the candy at the beginning of class, just so they can know it is waiting for them. This anticipation of happiness increases productivity.

#6 Breathe deeply.

Sometimes, I will notice that my students seem stressed in the classroom. Instead of pushing through the stress (and therefore adding to it), I tell my students to close their eyes. Then we practice 4-7-8 breathing. This kind of breathing hijacks the adrenaline system and slows it down. By doing this, you are placing the students back in logical thinking mode instead of “fight or flight” stress mode. Less stress equals more happiness.
All the above-mentioned hacks require energy, action, and attitude on your part. It is going to be hard to spread happiness if you are not happy yourself. Make sure that you’re doing things for yourself as a teacher. We spend a lot of time thinking about our students. Make sure that you are doing things that make you happy. What’s a hobby that you’ve let go of that you really enjoyed? Have you taken time just to just to sit down and relax and watch your favorite TV show? Take time for yourself and then spread happiness freely in your classroom.

One Trick for Not Being a Jerk to Students

I admit that I am sometimes a jerk to my students. I try not to be. I really do. I know the damage it causes, both to the kid and the classroom culture. I know that one bad experience with me can ruin twenty previous good ones.  I know that being a jerk makes me feel bad about myself. It does no one any good.

And yet.

I could trot out a litany of excuses, but that’s just what they would be. There really is no excuse. Doctors pledge to “First, do no harm.” Teachers should pledge to, “First, don’t be an asshole.”

Although I occasionally fail this basic expectation of human decency, I am better than I used to be. I realize the importance of being consistently nice, and I’ve developed a few mental tricks to use over the years. Today, I’ll share one. You can read about two others in my upcoming book, Happy Teacher, available on Amazon at the end of the month (fingers crossed).

Trick #1: Don’t Say Things to Students I Wouldn’t Want My Principal to Say To Me During a Staff Meeting

When I have a one-on-one meeting with my principal, I don’t worry too much about how I phrase things. If asked for my honest opinion, I give it. If I think my principal is wrong about something, I will say so.

I expect my principal to do the same with me. In a one-on-one meeting, I want honesty from my principal. If he thinks I’m doing something wrong or could be doing something better, he should tell me. If he thinks I have a weakness that needs improving, he has an obligation as my boss to inform me and give me pointers or direct me to resources that will help me improve. My rationale is that we’re both adults, we’re both professionals, we both are trying our best, but we’re both human and will, on occasion, fall short or screw up. I’m a big boy, and I can take the criticism. He’s the boss, so he better be able to take some too.

A staff meeting is a totally different animal because it is public. I rarely challenge or even disagree with my principal in a staff meeting. If I do, I choose my words very carefully and usually try to give my principal an out, such as, “I know this isn’t coming from you, but have your supervisors considered…”

There are a number of reasons you should not challenge your principal in front of the entire staff, but for the purposes of this post, I don’t do it because I don’t want him to do it to me.

A Brief Digression into Basketball

I played high school basketball, and in preparation of one game the coach had us practice a triangle-and-two defense, which is basically a three-man zone with the other two defenders guarding their men one-on-one. The defense worked perfectly in the first half of the game and we had a big lead. Our coach switched to a straight man-to-man defense in the second half, and we squandered much of our advantage before winning by a handful of points.

Afterward, Coach criticized our second half performance. I felt the need to stand up for myself and my teammates. I shot back, “But you changed the game plan!”

He lit into me in a very public and somewhat personal way, ripping my lack of defensive effort in the second half. He basically blamed me for letting our rival back in the game. It made me feel about this big:

I learned two lessons that day: First, don’t second guess your coach in front of the team, and second, people, no matter who they are and how old they may be, get very defensive when publicly called out. Some get downright pissed off.

End of Digression

When your principal criticizes you publicly, you feel attacked. You feel ashamed and you become defensive. You body triggers its fight-or-flight response because the brain is shouting DANGER! DANGER! You either sit there and take it, fuming on the inside and plotting elaborate revenge schemes, or you defend yourself vigorously and say something you’ll soon regret. Either way, you’ll feel resentment toward your principal. You won’t be doing that jerk any favors anytime soon! The next time you disagree with him, maybe you won’t be so respectful; he certainly didn’t show you the same courtesy! You might even seek to undermine him at the next opportunity.

Students are humans too. They feel the same things you do. When you embarrass them in front of their peers by publicly scolding them, it’s no different than your principal doing the same to you. In fact, students likely feel shame and resentment even more acutely than you do because they’re at an age when friendships matter more than just about anything. They care more about their classmates’ opinion of them then you care about your colleagues’ opinion of you. Good luck getting that student back on your side anytime soon. 

In fact, of all the things you’ve done for that student over the course of the year–all the lessons you’ve taught and guidance you’ve provided–they may, when they think of you 24 years later, return to that single moment in time when you made them feel like nothing in front of their peers. And it won’t matter to them if they deserved it or not.


The Benefits of Doing Nothing

Walk into any classroom and you are likely to see the teacher doing stuff. They’re lecturing, meeting with students, conferencing, planning, assessing, entering data, designing units, or circulating throughout the room. Few teachers give themselves permission to do nothing. But they should. Doing nothing is important.

When I say doing nothing, I of course mean doing nothing outwardly.  While it may appear that we our sitting at our desks and counting the ceiling tiles, our brains are busy at work.

The reality is that teachers don’t spend enough time thinking because we’re so busy doing.

Our Best Ideas

Our best ideas often come to us when we are idle. Before I started this blog, I was an aspiring novelist. In the course of telling a story, I’d often get stuck. I couldn’t figure out what should happen next. The worst thing I could do was think more about the problem. Usually, my best ideas came when I left the work alone and did something mindless. It’s hard to come up with great ideas when we’re under pressure to do so.

The same thing happens with teaching. I have very few innovative ideas in February. But in the summer, when my mind is rested and I’m not stressed out from long days in the classroom, I regularly come up with new things to try for the upcoming school year. Teachers need to set aside time to just sit and think.

Sitting and thinking, instead of always doing, provides teachers with the mental space to be creative. I keep a notebook where I write down things to try in the classroom, and once a month I force myself to just sit and think of stuff. Ideas can come from books, blogs, colleagues, social media, or my favorite place, left field.


Time to think allows teachers to actually reflect on what’s working and what isn’t. We’re all told how important it is to reflect on our lessons. It’s part of every teacher evaluation system I know of. But most teachers roll their eyes and think, “Yeah, right. And when am I supposed to do that?”

They ask that question because they don’t give themselves permission to do nothing. For most teachers, the thought of their principal walking in and seeing them sitting down and staring off into space is scary. We feel like we must always be working, and we fail to realize that thinking counts.

Time to think and reflect also lets teachers revisit their vision for the classroom to see if this year’s group is still on track or if things have gone off the rails and a recommitment is necessary. Every year, I write down my personal goals and the vision I have for my room. But once caught up in the day-to-day grind, I sometimes find myself just plugging along without thinking about the big things I want my room to be about. Without time to sit and think, I lose track of where I’m supposed to be leading my students.

Time to think can also save us trouble down the road. Taking a few minutes to think instead of responding emotionally to a student’s misbehavior, or a parent’s disrespectful email, or an administrator’s new idea can mean the difference between having a job and not having one.

When Helping Doesn’t Help

Students also benefit from a teacher doing nothing. Especially at the elementary level, too many of us rush in to save a student from failure or even frustration. We don’t want our students to struggle, and when we see them doing so, we want to help. That’s how we’re built.

But failure and frustration teach, often better than we do.

Stand back. Do nothing. Send the message to your students that they can do it without you.

I can always tell if I’ve helped too much when the state test rolls around. Since I’m not allowed to help at all, those students who I’ve not allowed to struggle don’t know what to do without my assistance. They don’t know how to solve problems because I haven’t allowed them to struggle with them. I’ve failed them, not only for that test, but in some ways, for life. There won’t always be someone around to help, and some problems just require that you sit there and think.