12 Distinctive Types of Teachers We’ve All Seen in Our School Life

A guest post by Joanne Criss

 

The contribution of teachers in shaping the future of an individual cannot be denied or doubted. In fact, our school life would be incomplete without the teachers. And like any normal human being, they all have their quirks and styles that made them stand out. Some are stern, some are emotional, and some are considerate, while some are funny. So, here’s a rather humorous take on the teachers you must have definitely come across while in school.

Hitler’s worthy successor

Well, you can understand by the moniker itself that sitting through this teacher’s class is almost like experiencing a Nazi concentration camp. And god forbid if you turn up late, then hell hath no fury like the teacher’s scorn. In fact, taking a sip of water during one of his/her classes may get you dangerously close to detention (alright, that might have been an exaggeration, but you get the drift, right?). Basically, every little action of yours will come across as disrespectful to them.

The perpetually stressed

The fact that teaching is hard becomes all too evident in the case of this teacher. But you can’t really blame them, can you? There’s only so much an individual can juggle, between all the meetings, assessments, preparing lesson plans, organizing events, which can easily push them to the limits of their sanity. It’s only human to feel stressed. You can find this teacher taking deep breaths at regular intervals and popping a pill to tame a persistent headache.

The “all hearts” teacher

This is the teacher we have all relied on throughout our school days. No matter what concerns you had regarding your studies and exam prep, or if you needed some valuable life advice, you would always find yourself reaching out to them. In fact, this teacher values the students like no other. They are also the ones that don’t shy away from showing how proud they are of their students.

The human encyclopedia

This teacher knows about all the pathbreaking discoveries and innovations to have existed in the realm of technology. They’re extremely passionate about science and technology and things that happen around the world and possess an unending love for learning and the art of teaching. They are likely to have answers to all your questions and can help you broaden the horizon of your knowledge about the world. Whenever you are in need of some assignment help, you can always turn to them without hesitation.

Sluggish than the sloth

This teacher rarely leaves the chair. So intense is their love for the chair and the desk, that it seems even an apocalypse won’t be able to drive them apart. While in the class, they are mostly busy doing their own thing, after assigning you the task. Even if there is a problem in class, that isn’t really worth getting up from the chair for them. They would just shout from their prized seat and then go back to doing whatever they were doing in the first place.

The “holier-than-thou” teacher

If you have studied in a convent, it’s highly likely that you have had a close encounter with the nuns. Even though they have a gentle demeanour, they spend an awful lot of time trying to mask their almost apparent disapproval at your deeply uncatholic lifestyles, while in class.

The eternally enthusiastic

Their energy could put Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps to shame. They are always engaged in activities and find newer ways to teach in class. Be it creating poems with chemistry equations and rapping grammar lessons, trust them to bring a unique approach to learning, every time they are taking a class. However, it’s still a mystery how they maintain their enthusiasm and physical endurance all day, every day.

The Comedian

Give them a mic, and they can be easily passed off as a stand-up comedian. Well, even as a teacher they ensure that there is not a dull moment in class. And quite frankly, who doesn’t like a little comic relief in between tedious trigonometry or an organic chemistry lesson, right? Well, thanks to them you could keep your stress levels in check while sitting through long hours in class. And, whether you admit or not, you like them for being a constant source of laughter in class.

The over-organizer

Nobody appreciates order and harmony like this teacher. They are always particular about everything and want their stuff in a certain manner. You can be rest assured that they will notice if you meddle with their things. They’re all for colour-coordinated files, labeling, bins, bulletin boards, filing cabinets, and their precious markers.

Their drawers, desk, and cabinets are always clutter-free and clean. These teachers are known to be extremely efficient since they are perfectly aware where all the important files and documents are. So having them around must have taught you a lesson or two about the importance of getting organized in life.

The health-freak teacher

We’ve all had this teacher in school (usually in-charge of games and physical activities) who firmly believes that physical activity is also a part of the learning process. This type of teacher is always found giving elaborate pep-talks to students about physical fitness and healthy eating. In fact, this teacher can easily convince anyone to replace yoga with soda.

So, even when you aren’t ready to give up on your daily fill of snacks and Diet Coke, these teachers can be a great influence in terms of maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

The ancient one

This teacher has been teaching for a prolonged time and has been in the school for generations. They often tend to be forgetful and frail. There are high chances that they may forget to inform you about an upcoming test or a quiz.

Since their memory doesn’t serve them quite well, they may be a little tricky to deal with. They need to be reminded continuously of the activities they are supposed to be carrying out in the class.

The “Moody” Mary

You may have heard about the game of Russian roulette, and attending a class of this teacher feels quite the same as playing the game. They can be your greatest motivator one day, and then on the very next day, they would come across like a warden of a prison. When he/she is in a jovial mood, it won’t take much time for you to forget that you had to stand outside the class for half an hour the day before for sneezing a little too loudly.

 

Regardless of their unique demeanour and traits, we all cherish them for being an integral part of our school life. So, how many types of teachers have you come across in your school life? Let us know in the comments section below.

Author Bio: Joanne Criss is a visiting faculty in a distinguished educational institution in Australia. She has pursued her Master’s from the University of Aberdeen. She devotes her time to many philanthropic organizations focused on children’s education. She is also a part of MyAssignmenthelp.co.uk as an academic expert.

God is Great, Beer is Good, and Students Are Lazy

lazy

There is a country music song with the lyric, “God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy,” but the truth is, not that many people are crazy. Most seem pretty rational to me. What people are is lazy.

We are masters of the shortcut. We’ll spend five minutes hunting for a parking space if it means we save ourselves 50 steps. We’ll consistently choose the awkward proximity and uncomfortable silence among strangers in an elevator over lugging ourselves up (or even down) three (and sometimes fewer) flights of stairs. We’ll rent a cart at a par-3 golf course. We’ll read the headline but not the article. Some people can’t even be bothered to open a new tab and Google their easily-answerable question. They post the damn thing on Facebook.

We dream of spending our days lying on a beach with a good book in one hand and one of those umbrella-adorned drinks in the other. Plenty of people’s ideal weekend includes sleeping in, overeating, and Netflix bingeing. I’ll wager you know people who dream of retirement, not because they’ll be able to travel the world, or finally write that novel, or spend more time with their grandkids, but because being retired is a really good way to spend as much time as you want doing absolutely nothing productive.

Want to get rich? Find something that is already really easy to do, then figure out a way people could do it in an even lazier way. Remote controls, escalators, prepackaged apple slices, garage door openers, the Clapper, Alexa, Smuckers Uncrustables, Dash buttons — all of them exist because our quest for laziness is unrelenting.

One classic example of human laziness is Johnston and Goldstein’s study on organ donor rates. It found that those countries where organ donation is the default and you must opt out in order to keep your own organs have much higher donation rates than nations with opt-in systems. In both cases, humans displayed a tendency toward inaction. The same thing has been found when studying retirement savings. Those who have money automatically invested save much more than those who have to take proactive steps to save.

We like doing nothing, even when doing nothing harms us in the long run. It’s why more people own couches than treadmills. 

Such laziness seems to come naturally. Daniel Lieberman, a Harvard professor who is an expert in human evolutionary biology blames our ancestors. “Our instincts are always to save energy. For most of human evolution that didn’t matter because if you wanted to put dinner on the table you had to work really hard. It’s only recently we have machines and technology to make our lives easier. . . . We’ve inherited these ancient instincts, but we’ve created this dream world and the result is inactivity.” Source

One study, cited in a Time article called, “Here’s Proof That People Are Wired to Be Lazy,” found that even on those rare occasions when we actually leave the couch to walk somewhere our bodies do it as efficiently as possible by choosing a speed and stride length that limits the calories we expend.

Laziness, it seems, is part of the human condition.

Students are humans, too. And they’re just as lazy as the older and bigger versions.

They cut corners. They copy and paste and pass it off as their own. They sneak on to game sites when they should be working. They write illegibly. They pretend to read instead of actually reading. They don’t work out the problem. They walk right past the crayon on the ground instead of picking it up. They cheat. They skip past parts of instructional videos so they can get to the end faster. They don’t reread. They go to the questions without reading the directions. They don’t put their names on their papers. They don’t walk to the trashcan, choosing instead to stash even more junk in their desks. They don’t copy your notes. They’ll sit there without a pencil instead of getting a new one.

Given our own lazy habits, none of this should surprise or upset us.

And yet it does. We proclaim to our colleagues how lazy kids are today. We bemoan the influence of our gotta-have-it-now society. We worry about the future of our nation.

And some of us blame ourselves. We’re good at that. We’ve bought into the narrative put forth by education’s most vociferous critics that how a child does in school is a reflection of his or her teachers.

But student laziness is not your fault. It isn’t a sign that you have low expectations, or that you didn’t model what you wanted clearly enough. It has nothing to do with how engaging you attempted to make your lesson. It’s not the fault of grades, or contrived tasks, or the way education is delivered. So stop beating yourself up over it.

Of course, student laziness isn’t really your students’ fault either. It’s human nature, and you’re likely as guilty of it as they are. You don’t exercise enough. You let the dirty dishes pile up in the sink even though the dishwasher is mere feet away. You haven’t registered as an organ donor.

One of the great challenges that teachers face is the same one that parents, employers, doctors, preachers, personal trainers, financial advisors, and literally everyone else who has to deal with other people face:

People don’t want to work very hard. They would prefer to not work at all.

So stop expecting more from your students than you expect from yourself. Cut them some slack. And quit worrying about the future of the planet. People have always been lazy. They will, in fact, search out even more inventive ways to be even lazier. And that might not be the worst thing.

Because it’s no longer necessity that’s the mother of invention. It’s laziness.

So that layabout in your class might just be a budding entrepreneur. After all, it takes some next level laziness to conceive of this thing:

You know you want one.

And here are some other gift ideas for the laziest humans you know:

The baby mop. It’s exactly what you think it is.

An automatic spaghetti twirler.

This is a stand to hold your blow dryer. Because holding things with your hands is so last decade.


And you shouldn’t need to spin things anymore either. Besides, you always knew Ashley spun the bottle in such a way that she was guaranteed a make-out session with Dylan.

Snowball maker. Because snow is cold and not everybody has gloves.

 

Lift the toilet seat without actually lifting the toilet seat!

Now if only you could buy a Bluetooth-enabled toilet and flush it with your phone…

Every Student An Athlete (ESAA)

athlete

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We have a crisis in America. Our kids are fat. To combat this epidemic, Congress has decided to make exercise compulsory. They’re prepared to spend billions of other people’s money. It’s a simple plan. They’re going to cut one hour off the end of the school day and students will be bused to their local gym. If no gym exists, one will be built. Students — check that — “athletes” will be assigned a personal trainer.  Some trainers will be responsible for 25 kids, others more like 150. It’s called, “Every Student An Athlete,” and the goal is simple: no more fat kids by 2025. I spoke to the plan’s architect, Tara Bullidea, and dug deeper into the details:

MURPH: Hi, Tara. So every kid, starting when they’re five, will be required to work out for one hour after school each day. How will you enforce it?

TARA: This is just like school. Athletes have to attend. It’s mandatory. I mean, I guess their parents could pick them up from school and take them home, but we really don’t want them to. We’ll threaten stuff and, oh… you know what, I just thought of this — we’ll hold the gyms accountable for athletes’ attendance! That ought to do it.

MURPH: So the gym will be punished if too many of their athletes don’t show up to exercise?

TARA: You got it!

MURPH: Okay. What if the athletes come but don’t want to participate? What if they refuse to follow their trainers’ instructions? Or what if they actively interfere with the workouts of other athletes?

TARA: Those athletes will be in big trouble. They’ll have to sit out or even be sent home.

MURPH: But wouldn’t that sort of defeat the whole purpose? They may want to sit out, and if they’re sent home, they’re not getting the exercise they need.

TARA: True. Trainers shouldn’t do that. They should do everything they can to get those students to work out. I guess maybe they should make it more fun. They should, um, build relationships so athletes will want to work out! You know, now that I think about it, if a trainer has some athletes with bad attitudes, it’s really the trainers’ fault, isn’t it? Such poor athlete attitudes should be reflected on the trainers’ year-end ratings.

MURPH: The trainers are going to be rated? How will that work?

TARA: That’s my favorite part. Look, we don’t want any consequences for the athletes. I mean, if they fail to lose weight, they’re only hurting themselves, right? But the trainers? We’re paying the trainers! The taxpayers will expect a decent return on investment. So we will hold the trainers accountable for their athletes’ weight loss.

MURPH: Oh, I see. So will there be bonuses for really good trainers? Some way to reward excellence?

TARA: No, silly. Nothing like that. We can’t afford bonuses. No, what we’re going to do is punish the gyms that don’t get their athletes’ to shed the pounds. If a gym is really bad — like if only a few kids achieve expected yearly weight loss (EYWL, pronounced “I-will”) — we may even close the gym. Or at least fire all the trainers. Also, each trainer will be rated at the end of the year, and we would expect gyms to fire the trainers with the lowest ratings. As for the best trainers, we’ll  give them the laziest, most overweight kids.

MURPH: How will you figure out which trainers deserve low ratings?

TARA: We’ll just go in and weigh all the athletes at the start of the year and weigh them again at the end of the year. If they haven’t lost enough weight, that trainer will get a bad rating.

MURPH: How much weight should each kid lose? What’s going to be the cut-off?

TARA: Oh, I don’t know. Let’s just say 10% of their original weight. Actually, on second thought, we’ll change the target every year and not tell the trainers what the new goal is. I know. We’ll come up with a really complicated formula to assess the trainers. That way, if someone starts to question it, we’ll just explain to them that they’re not smart enough to figure it out. In reality, I won’t be smart enough to figure it out either. Hardly anyone will. We’ll just say that some statisticians somewhere said it’s fine and that will be enough.

MURPH: But isn’t it unfair to hold trainers accountable when they only see the athletes for five hours a week? What if the kids go home and their parents undo all the trainers’ hard work? What if they feed their kids horrible food and never exercise themselves? What if they, God forbid, denigrate the whole idea of a healthy lifestyle? Isn’t it possible that some parents, either through ignorance or willful neglect, will sabotage the trainers’ efforts? Should trainers be punished for that?

TARA: Uh, huh. Yep.

MURPH: Okay. How about these trainers? We’re putting a lot on them and trusting them with the future health of the nation. How will you ensure that they’re up to the task?

TARA: You know, I’ve thought a lot about that. We’re going to be rating them, so they have a strong incentive to really study their craft and become excellent at what they do. They’ll be judged on their performance (okay, actually their athletes’ performance, but let’s not split hairs), so they’ll probably try really hard. So, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to require them to train kids certain ways. Now, sometimes those ways will be based on the latest scientific research on wellness. But other times, they’ll just be based on the latest fad, like maybe a popular book that’s out at the time. And to be sure they’re all doing pretty much the same thing, we’re going to make them sit through lots of meetings where we train them in these methods. We really want them to train their athletes the way we think they should train them.

MURPH: But then, shouldn’t it be you who is held accountable? I mean, if the trainers are just following your marching orders and they don’t get results, isn’t that your fault?

TARA: I don’t think so. Perhaps they aren’t training with fidelity. Maybe they aren’t very good at implementing the required methods. Their fault, for sure.

MURPH: Let’s change gears and focus on the kids.

TARA: Athletes.

MURPH: Right. What about those athletes who come from families that can’t afford tennis shoes or gym shorts?

TARA: We’ll provide those.

MURPH: So will all gyms get the same equipment? Will they have the same budgets?

TARA: Hahahahaha! No. Taxes will be raised at the local level for equipment, so certain areas will have newer machines than other areas. But every gym will have some equipment. Research tells us that it’s not the equipment that matters, but the trainer. So we won’t accept any excuses from trainers who have to work with older equipment, or even equipment that no longer works. Those trainers will simply have to be more creative.

MURPH: That sounds difficult. It might be hard to get good trainers to work at gyms with broken machines. Will you pay these trainers more?

TARA. No. Less, actually.

MURPH: But–

TARA: It’s fine! It’s all going to work out fine. We’re going to have no fat kids by 2025. They’re all going to hit their EYWL targets. Every Student An Athlete is going to be an amazing success because I really want it to be!

MURPH: Aren’t the athletes going to get tired of all this working out? Won’t they need some breaks? Even elite athletes take some time off.

TARA: Yes, you’re right. We’ll build in a few two-week breaks throughout the year and we’ll give them — I don’t know — two straight months off in the summer. It’s too hot to work out then anyway.

MURPH: But won’t a lot of athletes, especially those whose parents don’t value exercise and healthy eating, regain the weight and fall back into bad habits?

TARA: Perhaps. But the trainers will just have to work extra hard to make up for it.

MURPH: Just one last question, Tara. What is your background? Do you own a gym? Are you a former Olympian? Have you ever been a trainer yourself?

TARA: No, nothing like that. I’m rich. I’m very, very rich.

10 Best Teacher T-shirts

Why go out in public wearing boring adult clothes when you can wear something that says you’re a proud teacher with an average sense of humor? Pair the shirts below with a reading conference tote bag, an ID badge on a lanyard, and these socks, and you’ll be the teacherest of all teachers.

Lets Eat Kids. Let’s Eat Kids. Punctuation Saves Lives.

A reminder that it’s the little things in life, like commas, that can make a big difference. Perfect for fans of Eats, Shoots & Leaves and English teachers everywhere.

I Got 99 Problems & You’re Going to Show Your Work on All of Them

It’s a joke. You should not be assigning 99 problems.

World’s Okayest Teacher

Most of us are in the fat part of the bell curve. That’s what makes it a bell curve. Might as well admit it.

Straight Outta Pencils

 

Yep. Always.

I Don’t Know, CAN You?

The teacher version of “Because I told you so,” it’s a phrase we hated hearing as a student, but can’t help repeating as a teacher.

 

 

I Became a Teacher for the Money and Fame

 

It’s not cool to be sarcastic with a student, but it’s okay to print that sarcasm on a shirt.

 

1, 3, 5, 7, 9 OMG I Can’t Even

 

I’ll admit, it took me a couple of seconds.

Teachers: Make America Smart Again

 

Heh.

Retired Teacher: All Children Left Behind

 

There’s nothing retired teachers like more than rubbing their retirement in the faces of everyone else. With this shirt, they won’t have to say a word.

 

Being a Teacher is Easy. It’s Like Riding a Bike. Except the Bike is On Fire. You’re on Fire. Everything is on Fire.

Truth.

 

What Comes After Fidget Spinners

My daughter knows I write this blog, and she asked me the other day whether or not I’d written about fidget spinners yet. I told her the topic was too trendy. Besides, I reasoned, the whole thing will blow over, just like Bakugan, Pokemon Go, dreams of 100% proficiency, and those little skateboards that infested my classroom a few years back. But I’ve changed my mind. Fidget spinners themselves won’t be around for long, but the trend that fidget spinners started just might.

The genius of the fidget spinner, of course, is that word “fidget.” This shamelessly transparent attempt to legitimize a toy is a lesson in how brazen marketers can be when their targets are gullible parents who will apparently fall for anything with an education word attached to it. It’s because of this that we aren’t done with fidget spinners and their nettlesome offspring. When the fidget craze ends, we can expect to see copycats. It’s really easy to do. Take a toy. Stick an educational buzzword in front of it. Voila! The next big distraction invading your classroom.

Rumor has it the following are already in production:

Gritty Bear

Place this cuddly taskmaster at the corner of your desk and pat his head during a tough math problem. He says things like, “Don’t give up!” “Winners never quit!” “You can do it!” “Persevere!” and “Don’t you know there are kids in Asia who will spend 20 minutes on a problem like this?” Manufactured by Duckworth Enterprises.

Focus Ring

Simply slip on this ring anytime you need to concentrate better. Taking a big test? Put on the ring and watch your scores soar! The focus ring is made of a copper alloy and infused with essential oils, guaranteeing its wearer a laser-like focus.

STEAM phone

Your school bans cell phones. How unfair.  But what school in their right mind would even think of banning STEAM phones? STEAM phones come preloaded with all your favorite math, science, and engineering apps! Forgot the symbol for antimony? Use your STEAM phone! Need to calculate large sums? The STEAM phone has a calculator! Thinking of checking Facebook or texting your friends during that boring history lesson? You can do that, too! But then you can go right back to doing STEAM stuff! Teachers love STEAM, and they’ll love these phones!
 

Growth Mindset Gnome

This adorable gnome with the face of Carol Dweck blows a raspberry anytime you have a fixed mindset thought. There’s nothing like a loud Bronx cheer to change your thinking from “Ah, shit! I screwed up again! I’m so stupid!” to “Mistakes help me learn better.”

Self-Regulation Marshmallows

Science has proven that children who delay gratification grow up to be adults who make more money, report higher levels of happiness, always put down the toilet seat, and never go bald. How did science learn this? MARSHMALLOWS! Now your kids can practice delaying that gratification all day long. Simply place the self-regulation marshmallows on students’ desks. Use the self-regulation marshmallow app (available on iOS or Android) to set a timer. Then sit back and watch students learn the Pavlovian way when they get a small electric shock anytime they touch the marshmallow before the preset time! FUN!

These are only the five I’ve heard about. But I bet, reader, you’ve heard of others. Tell us about them in the comments or on Facebook.

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